The last post was about learning to trust ourselves so that we can follow the Spirit. We throw the word “trust” around a lot, and do we actually know what it takes to trust ourselves, trust others, trust Spirit enough to be guided??? The quote above is so spot on, AND another piece of Brené’s work is that people have to earn the right to hear your story. We need to be mindful of who we allow ourselves to be seen by- truly deeply seen. It’s the building of trust that allows us to create safe and sacred spaces to be deeply seen in meaningful ways. It’s learning to really see ourselves and Spirit in us that we can learn to trust ourselves. In this learning of trusting self and Spirit in self that we have a shot in actually following the Spirit.
Brené’s work on trust has helped me tremendously in understanding why I intuitively trust a lot of people and when I don’t… there is usually a good reason. It’s been a long road for me to learn to honor that there really are people who aren’t trustworthy. And, that reality needs to be honored just as much as my need to be seen. Through my life there have certainly been people who I wanted to trust, but knew I couldn’t or shouldn’t but didn’t honor that knowing. I learned through my own trauma therapy that trusting “the wrong” people can be a trauma response. So, though this TRUST list may look simple to some, others might find this list a bit tricky to practice, put into action.
Brené’s work helps my gut instincts travel to my head- historically not always an easy journey! And, in some cases I’ve needed additional assistance (therapy) to actually put the knowing into action. In her breakdown of understanding trust I have learned…
to better trust myself,
appreciate and respect when I don’t trust someone (and that needs to be honored, not “worked on”),
and how I can better trust people when there is something genuinely healthy there to trust.
Just like she outlines five parts of empathy, she breaks down trust into seven components:
BOUNDARIES - “no” is respected, when boundaries aren’t clear, clarifying questions are asked.
RELIABILITY - you do what you say you’ll do, and I’ll do what I say I’ll do.
ACCOUNTABILITY - own when you make a mistake, you apologize and make the effort to shift gears.
VAULT - you only share the information and stories that are yours to share.
INTEGRITY - practicing and embodying your values rather than simply giving them lip service.
NON-JUDGMENT - mutual asking for what you need without labeling it as good or bad. Working together to get your needs met.
GENEROSITY - extending a generous interpretation of the person and/or what they are sharing and/or doing.
For this post, I want us to entertain how these 7 components apply to trusting ourselves…
BOUNDARIES: When our instincts, our intuition kicks in and we know our answer to something and/or someone is “no,” do we honor that “no”? If not, why? Again, be gentle with yourself. Have compassion for the exploration of why you don’t honor your no. Will your no make someone mad? Will it make you feel uncomfortable? Does it feel “unChristian” to say “no”? Allow yourself to gently be with your exploration and anything you might find there. See if you can allow the Spirit to be present with you as well.
RELIABILITY: Do you do what you say you’re going to do? If I tell myself I’m going to try and drink more water today, do I follow through? If I tell myself I’m going to prioritize meditation, do I show up to my cushion? If I promise myself I’m going to check in with my gut, intuition before making decisions, am I doing it?
ACCOUNTABILITY: When I don’t follow through with myself, can I gently apologize to myself and strategize on ways to be more reliable for myself moving forward?
VAULT: Are you thoughtful, mindful about who you share vulnerable information with? Are you discerning if whether this person has earned the right to hear your story? Do you share vulnerable information about yourself with people who haven’t put marbles in the marble jar of your relationship? Are you thoughtful about mot sharing information about other people? There is no gossiping if you’re practicing a good vault.
INTEGRITY: Are you putting your own values into practice? Claiming and putting them into action- not perfectly, nobody does that. And, perfection isn’t the goal. Is there some mindfulness, thoughtfulness, integration of values in your mind, heart, soul and actions?
NON-JUDGMENT: Can you assess yourself, your actions and words, attitudes and tone from a place of non-judgement? Can you practice compassion for all the places you find yourself falling short? Can you talk to yourself like you talk to someone you deeply love and care for?
GENEROSITY: Can you practice generosity with yourself? Can you see yourself (your thoughts, actions, words, attitudes, tone) and know that whatever you’re thinking, doing, feeling is somehow the best you can in this moment? You can be generous with yourself AND strive to do and be better next time. Generosity is a good coach for all our “next times.”
Ponder: What parts of trusting yourself are easy for you, most natural? What aspects of trusting yourself are more challenging?
Practice: The next Mindfulness Meditation Group will start Monday, October 13th. The class runs for 6 weeks on Monday mornings from 9-10:15am. You can participate in-person at Creekside Counseling + Wellness or online via Zoom. You can learn more and register here. We will use slow bilateral stimulation (BLS) to enhance the felt sense of peace and calm that comes with mindfulness practice. You’ll be able to use your own hands for the BLS and/or you can purchase Dharma Dr. tabs for BLS. You can learn more about Dharma Dr. tabs here. Creekside Counseling + Wellness sells the tabs for people who participate in our wellness groups and individual counseling. Or, you can purchase them online with a discount code.
Participate: I’d love to hear what you’re pondering! Please feel free to share any thoughts below.
Ponder, practice and participate. Keep flowing in the Spirit. Grateful to be flowing together.
thank you for sharing! these questions are so important to ask urself. i’ve recently encountered a situation that requires a lot of trust within & i’ve only realized just how much i doubt myself.